I’m a strong believer that there’s nothing wrong with questioning what we’ve been showing to kids. The fact of the matter is, these films can have hidden (or not so hidden) messages filled with racism or hate language. I mean, Disney’s Aladdin, anyone? I watched it many times as a kid. And while it didn’t make me grow up hating Arabs, it disgusts me now that those kinds of images were flashed in front of my eyes on a regular basis and I had no awareness of their significance. Not convinced? Just go ahead and read the lyrics to the theme song, “Arabian Nights.” (Or just Google “Aladdin racist” and see the plethora of results.)

Some may argue that you’re drawing conclusions from nothing. That those messages aren’t there and we’re just projecting them onto the subject. But I think it comes down to this: There are two types of people – those who care about the hidden messages in all forms of media (which are undeniably there), and those who don’t. I happen to fall into the category of those who do care.

Which is why I’m going to take this opportunity near Christmastime to delve into the hidden meanings and euphemisms behind a stop motion animation holiday classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964). Here’s my theory: Rudolph is the Red Scare, and Hermey the Dentist is quite possibly a homosexual.

For those who don’t know the story of this animated TV special, here’s the short version: Rudolph – though a reindeer with noticeably good flying skills – is an outcast in his Santaland community because he has a glowing red nose, which only comes out at certain times (like when he’s excited or nervous.) Then there’s Hermey, an elf who hates making toys because his lifelong dream is to become a dentist. (Don’t ask why, but that’s what he wants.) The two become friends because they’re both different than the others in their community. They escape to a land called The Island of Misfit Toys, and there’s a bumbling but contextually frightening Yeti monster called The Abominable Snowman.

In the end, Hermey gets his own dentist shop, the Misfit Toys find children to love them, and Rudolph is summoned by Santa to lead the sleigh with his bright, shiny nose.

That bright red shiny nose is what I can’t help but analyze. For starters, it’s red – the color of communism, obviously. For another, this movie was made in the early half of the 1960s, in a period of post-50s Red Scare mania in America. Rudolph is blacklisted and cast out of his community, even by Santa (the “President,” you might say). Everyone (especially Santa) makes Rudolph and his parents feel as though they should be ashamed of themselves.

It’s also interesting that the redness only comes out every once in a while. And when it does, everyone is scared. Yes, they are scared by the fact that it’s “different.” But I can’t help but wonder…were the writers trying to tell us something? Did they purposely use Rudolph’s story to create an allegory of communism during a time of retrospect on the matter? To me, there seems to be an eerie connection between Rudolph’s “shameful” red nose and the hush-hush nature of being a Communist in the 1950s, fearing that someone might out you.

Speaking of “outing,” I’m going to argue that Hermey is gay. Sure, he wants to be a “dentist,” but no one in Santaland knows what that is and he has trouble with the other elves because of it. Watch this clip and tell me you don’t feel – with your adult senses – that the word “dentist” could easily be replaced with “homosexual.” For instance…

Hermey: Hey, what do ya say we both be independent together, huh?

Rudolph: You wouldn’t mind…my…red nose?

Hermey: Not if you don’t mind me being…a…dentist.

Listen to the lyrics of the song by the Misfit Toys, Hermey:

A jack-in-the-box waits for children to shout,

‘Wake up! Don’t you know that it’s time to come out!’

But Hermey does know that it’s time to come out. And Santa and his elves don’t like it one bit. “Don’t you like making toys?” Hermey’s co-workers seem to say with heavy judgment. What kind of a person doesn’t like making toys? But Hermey just doesn’t like toys – they aren’t for him. Even though he doesn’t practice the profession or own his own shop yet, he is a dentist. (See all the euphemisms going on, here?)

Aside from the cheap crack I could make about Hermey’s voice sounding just like Harvey Milk’s (a truth, but probably an analogy that was not intentional), I’d like to end this with Rudolph’s last words to his friend:

Goodbye, Hermey…Whatever a dentist is, I hope someday you will be the greatest.

Alas, Rudolph has the innocence of a child. And because of that, he has no clue what Hermey is, socially or politically speaking. What he does know, though, is that Hermey is a good person and a good friend.

And if this story is trying to tell me that gays, Commies, and other minorities should be viewed as people above all else, then damn it, that’s the spirit of Christmas. Ultimately, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a story of acceptance written by a bunch of bleeding heart liberals. But good for them, because they took it upon themselves to subtly incorporate these messages within the context of a movie that children and adults have been watching at Christmas for five decades.

As for the communism part, I can’t further this argument much more because everyone winds up embracing Rudolph for his red nose and actually considering him more useful than the other reindeer.

If there’s any lesson in this regard, it must be that – at the end of the day – Communists fly better than Capitalists. (Don’t quote me on that though.)